Why The Man in the Iron Mask is Epically Bad

The 1998 adaptation of The Man in the Iron Mask was a complete cash in after  Leonardo Dicaprio's success in Titanic (who plays Louie/Phillipe).  It's super cheesy and epically bad but it is still a guilty pleasure of mine.  Below I've listed a few reasons to explain the title of this post.

John Malkovich plays himself

Gabriel Byrne talks with an Irish accent while playing a French character

Poor attempt at romance

I wish I could have found a clip for this but the infamous "ball scene" is horrendous.

Luke I am your Father moment.  Sad attempt at sentimentality but instead is laughable.

Nooooo! I just wasted 2 hours