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Showing posts from June, 2014

Femme Fatale Friday: Veruca Salt

"A femme fatale, translating to "Deadly Woman" in french, is an alluring, seductive woman whose charms ensnare her lovers in bonds of irresistible desire.  Often this leads them into compromising, dangerous   and deadly situations." ~ Wikipeda

Veruca Salt is a spoiled child, who is the apple of her father's eye.  When the hunt for Willy Wonka's Golden Tickets  become a world wide hunt it is only natural that Mr. Salt's company goes from shelling peanuts to chocolate.  Ultimately, a ticket is unwrapped.  Things start off rotten once entering the factory, immediately questioning Mr. Wonka's inventions "Snozzberries? Who ever heard of a snozzberry? "  Things go from bad to worse when she looks at the tour as a souvenir shop wanting an Oompa Loompa, and a golden goose.  This only leads to her becoming a bad nut and falling down the garbage chute.  Upon leaving Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, Veruca and her father are covered in garbage.

The Amazing Spiderman 2 (2014)

I really hadn't heard much about the new Spiderman movie, and probably wouldn't have seen it except that a good friend wanted to.  A theater about thirty minutes away was having a late Thursday night showing but as I wasn't over the moon about watching it we decided to  go to our local theater tomorrow.

It started out okay, accomplishing the almost impossible --having a legit, good plot outside of the actions scenes -- or at least it did for the first half.

After Electro and Harry hooked up things started to fall apart.  It is hard to put my finger on it but Spiderman became a hot mess.  Any storyline was abandoned and action after action scene ensued.  This would have been okay if it had been done well, unfortunately it was sub par.  The special effects were lackluster at best and segments between Electro and Spiderman felt forced.  Overall it was cheesy.

Jamie Fox was the film's saving grace.  He knows how to play a crazy man, and with a substandard plot and disap…

On the Queue #2

On the Queue is a weekly post in which I highlight the movies I watched from my Netflix queue recently, to keep these posts short and sweet I am going to sum up my thoughts in one or two sentences.

Gravity (2013):  Huh?  This movie mainly consisted of Sandra Bullock floating around in her underwear and breathing heavily.  I also got a kick out of the Sandy floating in the fetal position with what looks like an umbilical cord behind her.

But I'm a Cheerleader (1999): Another huh.  I'm not sure why I took up a friends recommendation on a movie on a fictionalized Michelle Bachmann's "help centers" instead it was two hours I'll never get back

Rent (2005): I so wanted to see this despite mixed reviews but turned it off thirty minutes in.  It was just too hectic for me.

Femme Fatale: Charlotte Vale

A femme fatale, translating to "Deadly Woman" in french, is an alluring, seductive woman whose charms ensnare her lovers in bonds of irresistible desire. Often this leads them into compromising, dangerous and deadly situations." ~ Wikipeda

Femme Fatale Friday is a weekly meme to feature femme fatales in film.  Try saying that ten times fast. Considering "We Have the Stars" is a quote from Now Voyager I found it fitting to beginning with Charlotte Vale.
Charlotte Vale, poor plain Aunt Charlotte, a trailer baby and therefore must take on the responsibility of caring for her cantankerous mother.  Charlotte, the butt of family jokes and will surely die a spinster.  Until she goes to a facility for the depressed and emerges from her cocoon.  How could a women coming into her own be a femme fatale?  

She is a femme fatale because she falls for a married man and later becomes a surrogate mother for her lover's youngest daughter who also suffers from depress…

A Million Ways To Die in the West (2014)

A few weeks back, I saw One Hundred Ways to Die in the West.  I had low expectations going in and coming out, they were met.  And to add insult to injury, I saw a doubleheader of suckyness by seeing Maleficent.  Here is dose two of awfulness.  The not on sex scene was funny but they dragged it on, and on, and on not to mention the fact that every time Sarah Silverman came on screen we had to be reminded that she was a prostitute, yes we get it, she gives blow jobs for a living but do you have to wipe cum off her face in every shot.
These two just annoyed me, their romance (I felt) wasn't believable and could have done without it.

Seth MacFarlane takes things a step too far, he drags on scenes that could have been shot in half the time and could have reduced the film by 30 minutes, but no, he had to get that shot in with a character tripping and falling into the water bin.  Note: I'm not sure that actually happened but it is the general idea.
For me, One Hundred Ways to Die in …

Maleficent (2014)

I saw Maleficent last night and saying it was "pretty bad" is putting it lightly.  I kept hoping it would get better even though I knew it was a lost cause. 
I watched the movie with a friend who was equally if not more appalled than I, here are a few of the comments we whispered during the film. 

Note: comments in blue where made by said friend.

This movie is horrible

Never Mess with a Jilted Lover

"You're my Fairy Godmother." Seriously Aurora, how daft can you be, when has a Fairy Godmother ever had horns?

That was hardly a kiss /does this mean Maleficent and Aurora are lesbians? Flounder and Sebastian could have done it faster

Just turn into a dragon and die already!

And they lived happily ever after with the fat fairies I want my money back

Labor Day (2013)

Labor Day had an implausible storyline and more Lifetime Movie material.  If this fast paced/on the run/love story weekend had happened in over a month's time instead of three days it may have been better (notice how I used the word may)

Another disappointment were the actors, Josh Brolin and Kate Winslet who I expected more from, it felt like they were phoning it in. I have little to say that wouldn't sound repetitive, so I will conclude by calling Labor Day ridiculous and would be much better off outside barbecuing that watching this film.

Although it did have a "Ghost" moment, you know the one.

1990s retro

A Walk To Remember (2002)

I watched A Walk to Remember after I read Nicholas Sparks novel, thus there were no surprises to the storyline.  Although the kind of books Sparks writes in general should have given a clue that not all ends well.

The acting well, no offense but it was Mandy Moore and Shane West, it was passable enough for a teen romance and weekend slumber parties.  The first forty minutes were okay, when Landon and Jamie were still on other fences of the social ladder and it added for friction and thought it had the most  depth of the entire film.

This is where the film jumped the shark.  Yes its early and Jamie and Landon haven't even hooked up yet, but Jamie's "pray" song was so incredibly sappy and Landon's puppy eyes where almost cult like or in high school speak "Jamie took her sweater off and she has boobs!"  
Landon's face above pretty much describes the rest of the movie, adding the occasional close-ups of Landon breaking down into tears and blaming his …


In 1940 Thorold Dickinson directed Gaslight starring  Anton Walbrook and Diane Wynyard, in which a husband drives his wife slowly insane while he scours the house looking for her late aunt's hidden jewels.  This was a great thriller, with wonderful acting and pacing.  Although, I discovered this treasure by mistake, thinking I was ordering the 1943 version which won Oscars for best actress and best art direction.  This raised the question, why remake a film after only three years of it's predisesor's release?  It must be better, it just must, I mean it won two Oscars right?  
I was very disappointed with 1944's Gaslight.  As in classic 1930/40s style it was very melodramatic almost to the point of annoyance and thought parts of it dragged on, for instance I would have been fine with Paula and Gregory's courtship being a deleted scene.  There was also a busy buddy neighbor who couldn't wait to get into the home where Paula's aunt was murdered.  I felt she ad…

Why The Man in the Iron Mask is Epically Bad

The 1998 adaptation of The Man in the Iron Mask was a complete cash in after  Leonardo Dicaprio's success in Titanic (who plays Louie/Phillipe).  It's super cheesy and epically bad but it is still a guilty pleasure of mine.  Below I've listed a few reasons to explain the title of this post.

John Malkovich plays himself

Gabriel Byrne talks with an Irish accent while playing a French character

Poor attempt at romance

I wish I could have found a clip for this but the infamous "ball scene" is horrendous.

Luke I am your Father moment.  Sad attempt at sentimentality but instead is laughable.

Nooooo! I just wasted 2 hours

Terminator 2: Judgment Day

I was perusing Instant Netflix with a friend and he suggested we watch Terminator 2.  Arnold Scharenegger films have never exactly been my cup of tea but I'm willing to try anything at least once, sometimes a second viewing of said actor/genre can change one's mind.  In this case, it was a no.
We watched it and my initial thoughts were validated.  Terminator 2 was ridiculous.  In my opinion it could have been an okay film had there been a decent, intriguing plot and better acting skills -- lets face it Arnold Schwarzegger throwing large, heavy objects can only take him so far.  I felt the only reason to make watching this film worthwhile is to hear the classic line "hasta la vista baby".  Otherwise it is a joke and was giggling throughout the last twenty minutes.  Upon Terminator 2's ending my friend tried arguing that it was a classic action film, it may very well be, but I'm not sure how well it transferred. 
This last scene had me cracking up at how ridic…

Emma (2009)

First, just a quick summary of Jane Austen's novel Emma.  Emma Woodhouse is a matchmaker made in heaven, or in hell as her cupid's arrow doesn't always land in the right place.  Emma flutters around pronouncing that everyone must marry except herself who has sworn off the proposal.  That is, until she realizes she has sabotaged herself.

Romola Gari is the perfect Emma.  She does a wonderful job of blending selfishness, naivety  and kindness together (because she does mean well).  And because of this acting you can't help but love her.

Don't ask me how but I corralled my dad into watching it as well and actually enjoyed it! I must tell you I was surprised by that.  Although,  we were both in agreement that Romola's facial expression are fantastic making the film that much more enjoyable.

Of course I can not write this review without mentioning Mr. Knightly played by Jonny Lee Miller.  He was also wonderful in the role, Knightly is a little like Mr. Darcy as he is a…

Bridget Jones Movies

I could just start and end this review with Hugh Grant and Colin Firth but that just doesn't seem right.  
Bridget Jones is a thirty-something woman with incredibly bad habits (smoking, drinking, weight, and word vomit just to name a few) and does not want to die alone being found weeks later being eaten by dogs.  While dressed like a carpet at her mother's curry buffet Christmas party, where everything served in miniature and on sticks is the height of sophistication she meets Mark Darcy who is wearing a reindeer jumper and makes a horrible impression.  Unfortunately, she falls for her handsome dog of a boss Daniel Cleaver and soon she is dipping the pen in the company ink only to have it go flying everywhere after he cheats.  Long story short, she ends up with the reindeer jumper after a modern day duel between  the two men.  
In the sequel, the edge of reason, Bridget is thrown together with Daniel Cleaver again with the consequences being much of the same and during a bus…

The Hobbit (2012)

I have seen The Hobbit twice, first on opening day and the second over Christmas.  Both times I was annoyed by the beginning.  The movie opens with Bilbo (played Ian Holms) at his writing desk composing A Hobbit's Tale or There and Back Again.  Personally, I think it would have been great if they just went from there into The Hobbit, but no, the had to bring Frodo in (played by Elijah Wood) creating a "behind the scene" behind the closed hobbithole of Bag End, before Frodo runs off to met Gandalf (played by Ian McKellen), forming a connecting between the Lord of the Rings Trilogy and The Hobbit.  I get that, but for some reason it still irked me.

Once I got over that, I really enjoyed it.  Bilbo's story begins with a "chance meeting" of Bilbo (played by Martian Freeman) and Gandalf followed by unexpected guests in the form of dwarfs.  I thought they looked like a grown-up version of Snow White's dwarfs and wasn't a big fan of their singing (although …